My Christmas Pregnancy Story
I felt akin to Mary in a way I never had the Christmas before last. I was at my lowest with an unwanted pregnancy, handicapped, and deathly ill. I was unsure if my baby or I would make it. Everything else was stripped away. The only thing I felt sure of was God, and even that was just a desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, he was near.
Grasping fingers. Unheard prayers. A body bloating, ripping skin, and endless days on a hospital bed with no visitors allowed. It wouldn't matter if they were anyway, I could barely stay awake or present to communicate. Then I was pumped with steroids. A switch flipped and I was always awake, never myself, and still barely present.
I was only surviving. I was fighting for my little one, like Mary. But unlike her, I hadn’t even consented, saying yes with acceptance and joy.
My common prayer
Occasionally began reading liturgical prayers, and soon found myself daily praying from the app based on the book, Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals. I was surprised how frequently The Magnificat, Mary’s prayer, showed up. I was equally surprised at how deeply I was drawn to it. I need it, like a salve or daily bread.
One of the exercises I have the Mentorship Circle practice is to rewrite a Psalm or similar poetic passage in their own words. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a quote, phrase, or passage that wasn’t originally yours become yours. When that happens, we must hold to it tightly.
The Magnificat became mine, like it had been Mary’s. For all I know, it might be yours, too. Rewriting this passage in Luke 1:46-55 and then praying over and again held me through until the next Christmas (last Christmas). The Magnificat was one of many such anchors through the most difficult season of my life.
Elisa’s Magnificat
My heart-beat amplifies the Lord!
My depths delight in God, my rescuer!
He sees me,
An ordinary one who responds with “yes.”
Following generations are unlikely to know how favored I am—But the Most Powerful still does His magic here!
Oh, He is the just and perfect one!
He gives grace, time and time again for those who live as His.
God uses His strength by
Humbling the proud—Sending them to their knees.
He takes back power from those
Acting the King or Queen,
Only caring for their own gain.
He rises up the marginalized,
Whom most despise or ignore.
For those longing and empty,
In need in heart, body or soul,
He pours goodness into.
To those brimming full and rich,
He sends packing,
Giving a taste of what a lack generosity brings.
He protects His promises to all with faith!
Even in His justice, He puts mercy first.
This good news He ensured to those before,
From the beginning,
Is now a legacy to us,
His children!
(First published here)
Share with me a passage that has become yours! I’d love to hear it. Merry Christmas!
*Note: in the original version of this I didn’t spell Magnificat correctly in Latin, even though I went to different sources to try to copy it correctly! I am dyslexic so words like this feel nearly impossible, especially when autocorrect gets involved. I am so grateful for my fellow writer, , for helping me figure this out!
Also Read: Mary's Yes and Our Good Judgement
Follow me on Instagram here: @AuthenticallyElisa.